Thursday, December 31, 2009


So it is the end of 2009 and everyone is in a thoughtful mood...thinking back over the past year and trying to set goals or dreams for the next year. I also, wanted to take a minute to look back over the past year.

2009 started as a year of challenges...last year at this time, Steve was in the midst of his depression. He hardly remember any of the holidays from last year. He was in a dark place and I was about at the end of rope. I was very tired of holding us all together...but God was so good (as always). He continued to sustain me and I continued to pray. I know that there were so many people praying for us through that journey. It seemed dark and endless, but we made it. The winter and spring of 2009 seemed to fly by. The kids were busy with school and I was busy in the library. We had a wonderful Book Fair and campus celebration day at school. We were ready to wind down the school year...then in May, something amazing happened...

One Sunday morning I woke up and Steve was in the shower (now this is strange because he had not been going to church with us for quite sometime) and when I asked him what he was doing, he said getting ready for church. I just cried...that was the end of darkness. I know that people do not come out of depression all at once. I know that it is a gradual process, a little everyday. But for us it seemed overnight. It was the miracle we had been praying for so long. Steve was better and he was back. It took me a while to believe it, but more and more everyday we began to see the old Steve back. He went back to working with the youth at church. He even went to Youth Camp. We went on our Disney Cruise and it was awesome. He was great and was great with the kids and had so much fun.

After that everything that happened in 2009 seemed to pale in comparison. Steve was back and it was a miracle. There are still moments when I think about what happened and where we came from and I am so grateful that I am moved to tears.

For the remainder of 2009, we still had our struggles. As I do every year, I struggled with where the kids should go to school. Because I am in education, I see the good and the bad and I am always wanting the very best and I have to remember that nothing is perfect. We still struggled with money because we are a family of five on one income which is challenging. But those did not over power us as they seemed to in the past.

These last few weeks of 2009 have been a perfect ending to a crazy year. We have had an incredible time with family. Christmas was better than I could have asked for. This past week has been a week of getting organized and ready for 2010. I feel we as a family are in such a good place to start this new year...maybe the best place in our married life.

For me personally, I feel like I am about to embark on a incredible journey with the Lord. I feel like I am right on the edge of something new and I am so excited and so scared at the same time. And when God is moving and we are walking in a new direction, the enemy is trying to thwart any progress.

But more about that tomorrow in the post 2010...a new year.

Happy New Year everyone. Let's say good bye to 2009 and welcome in a new year...a year of God's favor.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Late night during Christmas Break

It is late at night and my family is all asleep. I am on a crazy schedule where I am staying up late and sleeping late. It is fine for now, but soon I will have to get back to school. I have not written in my blog lately. It seems like when I get busy with my everyday life, I don't have time to stop and put down my thoughts. But tonight I am doing a lot of thinking. I have been in a Melancholy mood after the holidays. I LOVE Christmas and this year we had an incredible time with my family. I couldn't have asked for a better few days, but now it is time to get organized for the new year. It is time to clean out the old and look forward to what the new year will bring. That is what we have been working on today. The kids have been cleaning out their rooms and Steve was working on the playroom and I was focused on laundry and going through all our clothes. I would like to start 2010 on an organized note.

But I am not thinking about that tonight. Tonight I am thinking about dreams. I am reading a book by Shelia Walsh called God has a Dream for Your Life. It is a excellent book and it is making me look at my dreams for my life and more importantly God's dream for my life. The first part of the book is all about freedom. Am I living a life that is free in Christ? It is a really good question and one that I had not looked at before. Do I live like I am really free? What does that look like? How do you like out your freedom in Christ?

I don't have the answers to these questions. But they are good questions to ask ourselves.

I am realizing more and more that God's dream for my life is not about what I do but more about who I am...His dream for me is an incredible relationship with Him. The creator of the universe wants to have a relationship with me. I have to pause as I write those words...because if you really think about them, they don't make any sense. He knows all about me...everything I have done, everything I have said, everything I have thought...and he wants to know Me! WOW! That is where the freedom is found...

What else can there be? God is pursuing me, he is seeking after me...He listens to me and responds. He is God and He wants good things for me. I want to be worthy of that love and that relationship. But the beautiful thing is that I don't have to earn it. I want to live a life that is pleasing and worthy of him but that is very different than trying to earn His love and his relationship.

I want 2010 to be that year. The year of freedom and rest in my relationship with the Father. I want to lay aside the things that distract me and entangle me and I want to focus on Him. I want to seek His face. I want to sit at His feet and listen to the dreams He has for me. I want 2010 to be the beginning of a new freedom in Christ. a relationship that spills out into every part of my life. Not a checklist of do's and dont's...not a new Bible study or a new program...but a relationship, with God. He created me and then He bought me for a great price and if that's not enough...He wants to spend time with me.

Freedom...God given life...bought and paid for...all that's left is to live!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

about being a Christian

Do you ever get asked if you are a Christian? I was asked that this week and I said yes, but in mind I wanted to say much more. I wanted to say something like yes, I am really a Christian. I don’t mean super Christian, but I wanted this person to know that I am not just a casual Christian. I somehow wanted to identify myself as someone who truly loved Jesus and was trying to raise my family in way that was pleasing to Him. I wanted her to understand that we were trying not to “play” at this Christian stuff. WE didn’t so it all right, but we were trying. We wanted our lives to be different. WE made an effort to pour out our lives in worship. I wanted her to know that this was not something I did on Sundays or Holidays, but this was my life. I am so tired of these casual Sunday only “Christians” that are giving us a bad name. I don’t want to say look at me, I want to say look at Him. I want to be so different, so radical that people automatically see Him. So yes…I am a Christian…but it is my life…not just my hobby. I am not perfect, my family is not perfect, and we are just trying to walk by faith.

thoughts on abundant life

Some thoughts on abundant life…things I have been hearing from the Lord...I hope it inspires you

The question is…Am I Worthy, are any of us worthy, of an Abundant Life?

I don’t know your situation. I don’t know where you have been or what you have done, but God knows and it doesn’t change your worth to him. He loves you and He thinks that you are worthy of an abundant, full, wonderful life. How do I know?
He created you…He formed you, He made you. Creation takes thought and action. To create something there must be an idea of what to create and then actions to make the creation. It does not happen by accident. There was a moment in time where the God of the universe thought about you, came up with the idea to make you and then made you. His hands formed you. He made you unique in all the world. You were not an accident, not a surprise, not by happenstance…He purposefully, willfully, created YOU.
Now think about something that you have created…think about pouring your heart and soul into the finished product. You couldn’t put a price on something so special, so unique, that you made with your own hands. Now think about that creation, by some crazy, random, twist of events, it ends up on a store shelf for sale. Anyone could come in and take it and they would not understand its great value. That is what happened with you and me. Our crazy twist of events was sin. We were born sinners and our souls did not belong to God. But He created us…He loved us, His precious creation…so He bought us. He paid a great price. He sent His son to die on the cross to buy us back…He knew our value and that we were worth the life He could give. So, I know that He wants us to live an abundant, full life. He created us and the He bought us…for His purpose.
Now, I am not telling you that it will be easy. I am not saying there will not be trouble…because there will be. But the beautiful truth is that through all the trials, all the struggles, the disappointment and the pain…we will know we belong to the creator and He wants great things for us…so we can trust though even the darkest of moments…He created us, He bought us, He Loves us. He desires for us to have a full life, with Him. You can have that…believe it!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Crazy Evening

Tonight has been such a crazy night. Steve was on the phone with a potential job and found out he wasn't right for the job. He was very disappointed and a little sad, but i convinced him to go work out with me. When I went to find his wallet, i found a surprise amount of money. It was very reassuring. WE have been living on one income for such a long time. We could really use Steve to have a full time job...but it hasn't happened yet. i don't want to overspiritualize finding that money...but it did seem as though God was reminding us not to worry and that He is going to take care of us, always.

So we went to work out. Which was good. Neither Steve or I felt 100% but we went. It was good. I felt good, but tired. I was just very happy that we made a good choice. WE got subway afterward and then came home. It was sooo good.

Tonight I felt inspired and motivated. I was in the shower and i was praying, I was finally saying out loud that I really want to pursue a speaking ministry. I don't know what that will look like, but I want to at least try. I don't want any regrets...I want to put it all out there and trust God to do the rest.

My desire is to live my life to the fullest and to encourage women to do the same, however and wherever the Lord allows me to do it. I am excited and scared to death. I have no idea what will e next....but God is good.

Columbus day

Today is Monday, Columbus Day and we are out of school today. So, I have been enjoying a very quiet day at home. The kids are a little restless, but i enjoy still being in my PJ's. I have been working on a mound of laundry that has been piling up. Truth be told...I am not a very good housekeeper. I am typically a little messy myself and I am not good at keep a clean house. This is one of things that I do not like about myself. It really comes down to a lack of discipline.


There's the word of the day! Discipline, really the word of my life. So many situations in my life come down to discipline...
The house being clean
Managing our fiances
Having a quiet time
Working out and eating healthy
All of those things require more discipline than I seem to have. This is going to be my prayer over the next few months. I really want to live a more disciplined life. I think this will help on my quest for abundant life.

The truth is, i feel like God has given me a dream and a desire and a talent to speak to group's of women and encourage them. So, many women I know are struggling with life...they are asking themselves the question - "is this all there is? " If Jesus promised that he has come to give us abundant life...then where is it?

I really want to pursue this and I am not sure even how to start, but I have put it out there and told God that I am willing to start.

So, this is the first day of this new journey. I am going to work out this afternoon even though I don't feel like. Because that is a big hurdle...I want to feel better and look better before taking the stage in front of any women. So I feel like my weight is a hindrance, but i am determined to be loose weight and feel better. It is going to be hard, but I really want to follow my dream...

Lord - please give me the discipline to live better. if my body is a temple for you, then I want to treat it as a place of worship. I have a story to tell and I feel like women can benefit from my story...but only if you open the doors. I know that this is something that only you can do. I want to be involved in a God sized opportunity. Please give me the strength to work out and to eat better and give it my all. Give me the words to say and to write and open those doors for opportunities to share my story. I love you Lord and I know that you can do this if it is your plan and your desire. Help me just to keep walking on the path and just to do the next thing. I love you and I am excited about this new journey.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

1st Post

This is my 1st post for my blog. I am hoping to us this as a place to express my thoughts. My desire is to write a book and be a women's speaker. I know that sounds like a big goal or dream, but as someone advised me this only go through life once and if God has given you a dream, you MUST chase it. God is calling and you must answer.

I have to confess that I have NO idea where to begin or what to do, so I am going to start with this blog. I have written things before and may include some of them, but I feel like this will help me be focused.

I don't know if anyone will even read this, but I am excited to see where this will lead!

I appreciate your prayers and advice.