Thursday, June 28, 2012

A different day, a little hope

What a difference a day can make. Yesterday I was struggling and I took time to be with God and just lay it all out there. It one of those times when words fail. When it is just you and God and all you can do is cry out to Him. And friend I must tell you, He met me there. He met me in my despair. He listened to my hurting heart and he understood. And I came away a little different.

Today was a few steps better. I still felt yucky, physically. Still struggling with all the medicine and the shots, but it was different somehow...there was a little hope, a little light...a sense that I was not alone. I really appreciate all of the encouragement I got from several of you, my friends. It helps to know that people are reading these words and struggling with your own stuff. WE are all in this world together.

I finally got some quiet time tonight and I was in the book of Isaiah. Last year God gave me a verse for me and my family from Isaiah 43 and tonight I went back to that familiar passage that I read so many times last year.

Isaiah 43:18-19
"Forget about the former things,
do not dwell on the past.
  See I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up, do you not see it?
  I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wilderness."

These verses were such an encouragement to me when my life seemed to be turned upside down. It was a reminder that God is not finished with me or my family. And I needed that reminder again...this health issue is not the end. It is the beginning of a new journey. God is calling me out, again, to trust and walk by faith. It is uncomfortable and full of unknowns, but that is the faith part. But God didn't stop tonight with these verses, He gave me some new verses for this new journey. Now these verses are familiar to me and they probably will be familiar to you...but that is the wonderful and amazing thing about God's can look at a very familiar passage and it speaks to you in a new way for this new situation/circumstance/question/problem...whatever is in front of you.

So here it is for me, my verses for my health and weight loss journey...

Isaiah 40:28-31 (I know some of you are smiling because these words are so special to you already)

"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the creator of the ends of the earth.
He will NOT grow TIRED or WEARY
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases power to the weak
Even youths grow tired and weary
and young men stumble and fall
But they who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength
They will soar on wings like eagles
they will run and not grow weary
the will walk and not faint."

Now I know it is not a literal walk and not grow weary, but for me it is the hope that we can get all of this under control and not grow weary. I will put my hope in the Lord.

Thank you to those that prayed for me today and encouraged me. God gave me hope from His word. It is not a promise that all will be fixed, but hope in Him. That HE never tires and HE never ends and the HE will renew my strength and help me with this journey. I still feel overwhelmed about what to and where to start, but today at Rita's with the kids, I got a sugar-free flavor. Wouldn't have thought about that before. One small step in the right direction. Praying to God that there will be many more.

I love you friends. Let's all make at least one good choice tomorrow and take a minute to enjoy.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


I have a confession to make tonight...I am struggling. All the verses that I read this morning were about God's love and His everlasting faithfulness and they were encouraging, but they didn't fill my soul as they normally would.

I am not struggling with God's goodness or faithfulness or His love for me. His blessings and provisions over the past few years still bring me to tears with an overflowing gratitude. I can never thank Him enough for the journey to this place and this time in my life, except for one thing that doesn't fit with our "new life" and my 2nd chance. You remember from Sesame Street

One of these things is not like the others...

It's my health and weight.

I have always been overweight, really always. Sometimes were better than others. It was always more of an inconvenience and related to my looks and clothes and things like that. But over the course of the last few years my weight has started to cause some health related issues and because of our circumstances, health care became kind of luxury and my health was always on the back burner...

And so now here we are June of 2012 and I spent another night in the hospital. Two hospital stays within a years time and something has to change. I am completely overwhelmed and I really truly don't know what to do. We are talking about changing my entire eating plan and habits and changing my activity level...changing everything.

It is 11:00 now, I just took my blood sugar, it was 345. for those of you who don't know, that is VERY high. And that is after giving myself 4 shots today. Now I know it is only the 2nd day on the new meds and the new plan, but this is not good.

So earlier tonight I was just crying out to the Lord. Just putting it all out there, you know those moments, when you feel like you could crawl up in His lap and just cry for days. Lord, help. Please listen to my heart. Hear my desperation and brokenness and now FEAR, real fear. I need help, In a very real way.

So I ask you, my dear friends. Please pray for me. I am scared. I am tired all the time and overwhelmed by so many things that need to change. Pray that I will find my groove and that God will show me the path to take. He has never let me down before, I know that He can handle this too, it just seems so daunting. And pray for Gary as he tries to support me on this journey.