Thursday, December 31, 2009


So it is the end of 2009 and everyone is in a thoughtful mood...thinking back over the past year and trying to set goals or dreams for the next year. I also, wanted to take a minute to look back over the past year.

2009 started as a year of challenges...last year at this time, Steve was in the midst of his depression. He hardly remember any of the holidays from last year. He was in a dark place and I was about at the end of rope. I was very tired of holding us all together...but God was so good (as always). He continued to sustain me and I continued to pray. I know that there were so many people praying for us through that journey. It seemed dark and endless, but we made it. The winter and spring of 2009 seemed to fly by. The kids were busy with school and I was busy in the library. We had a wonderful Book Fair and campus celebration day at school. We were ready to wind down the school year...then in May, something amazing happened...

One Sunday morning I woke up and Steve was in the shower (now this is strange because he had not been going to church with us for quite sometime) and when I asked him what he was doing, he said getting ready for church. I just cried...that was the end of darkness. I know that people do not come out of depression all at once. I know that it is a gradual process, a little everyday. But for us it seemed overnight. It was the miracle we had been praying for so long. Steve was better and he was back. It took me a while to believe it, but more and more everyday we began to see the old Steve back. He went back to working with the youth at church. He even went to Youth Camp. We went on our Disney Cruise and it was awesome. He was great and was great with the kids and had so much fun.

After that everything that happened in 2009 seemed to pale in comparison. Steve was back and it was a miracle. There are still moments when I think about what happened and where we came from and I am so grateful that I am moved to tears.

For the remainder of 2009, we still had our struggles. As I do every year, I struggled with where the kids should go to school. Because I am in education, I see the good and the bad and I am always wanting the very best and I have to remember that nothing is perfect. We still struggled with money because we are a family of five on one income which is challenging. But those did not over power us as they seemed to in the past.

These last few weeks of 2009 have been a perfect ending to a crazy year. We have had an incredible time with family. Christmas was better than I could have asked for. This past week has been a week of getting organized and ready for 2010. I feel we as a family are in such a good place to start this new year...maybe the best place in our married life.

For me personally, I feel like I am about to embark on a incredible journey with the Lord. I feel like I am right on the edge of something new and I am so excited and so scared at the same time. And when God is moving and we are walking in a new direction, the enemy is trying to thwart any progress.

But more about that tomorrow in the post 2010...a new year.

Happy New Year everyone. Let's say good bye to 2009 and welcome in a new year...a year of God's favor.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Late night during Christmas Break

It is late at night and my family is all asleep. I am on a crazy schedule where I am staying up late and sleeping late. It is fine for now, but soon I will have to get back to school. I have not written in my blog lately. It seems like when I get busy with my everyday life, I don't have time to stop and put down my thoughts. But tonight I am doing a lot of thinking. I have been in a Melancholy mood after the holidays. I LOVE Christmas and this year we had an incredible time with my family. I couldn't have asked for a better few days, but now it is time to get organized for the new year. It is time to clean out the old and look forward to what the new year will bring. That is what we have been working on today. The kids have been cleaning out their rooms and Steve was working on the playroom and I was focused on laundry and going through all our clothes. I would like to start 2010 on an organized note.

But I am not thinking about that tonight. Tonight I am thinking about dreams. I am reading a book by Shelia Walsh called God has a Dream for Your Life. It is a excellent book and it is making me look at my dreams for my life and more importantly God's dream for my life. The first part of the book is all about freedom. Am I living a life that is free in Christ? It is a really good question and one that I had not looked at before. Do I live like I am really free? What does that look like? How do you like out your freedom in Christ?

I don't have the answers to these questions. But they are good questions to ask ourselves.

I am realizing more and more that God's dream for my life is not about what I do but more about who I am...His dream for me is an incredible relationship with Him. The creator of the universe wants to have a relationship with me. I have to pause as I write those words...because if you really think about them, they don't make any sense. He knows all about me...everything I have done, everything I have said, everything I have thought...and he wants to know Me! WOW! That is where the freedom is found...

What else can there be? God is pursuing me, he is seeking after me...He listens to me and responds. He is God and He wants good things for me. I want to be worthy of that love and that relationship. But the beautiful thing is that I don't have to earn it. I want to live a life that is pleasing and worthy of him but that is very different than trying to earn His love and his relationship.

I want 2010 to be that year. The year of freedom and rest in my relationship with the Father. I want to lay aside the things that distract me and entangle me and I want to focus on Him. I want to seek His face. I want to sit at His feet and listen to the dreams He has for me. I want 2010 to be the beginning of a new freedom in Christ. a relationship that spills out into every part of my life. Not a checklist of do's and dont's...not a new Bible study or a new program...but a relationship, with God. He created me and then He bought me for a great price and if that's not enough...He wants to spend time with me.

Freedom...God given life...bought and paid for...all that's left is to live!