Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Struggling

I have a confession to make tonight...I am struggling. All the verses that I read this morning were about God's love and His everlasting faithfulness and they were encouraging, but they didn't fill my soul as they normally would.

I am not struggling with God's goodness or faithfulness or His love for me. His blessings and provisions over the past few years still bring me to tears with an overflowing gratitude. I can never thank Him enough for the journey to this place and this time in my life, except for one thing...one thing that doesn't fit with our "new life" and my 2nd chance. You remember from Sesame Street

One of these things is not like the others...

It's my health and weight.

I have always been overweight, really always. Sometimes were better than others. It was always more of an inconvenience and related to my looks and clothes and things like that. But over the course of the last few years my weight has started to cause some health related issues and because of our circumstances, health care became kind of luxury and my health was always on the back burner...

And so now here we are June of 2012 and I spent another night in the hospital. Two hospital stays within a years time and something has to change. I am completely overwhelmed and I really truly don't know what to do. We are talking about changing my entire eating plan and habits and changing my activity level...changing everything.

It is 11:00 now, I just took my blood sugar, it was 345. for those of you who don't know, that is VERY high. And that is after giving myself 4 shots today. Now I know it is only the 2nd day on the new meds and the new plan, but this is not good.

So earlier tonight I was just crying out to the Lord. Just putting it all out there, you know those moments, when you feel like you could crawl up in His lap and just cry for days. Lord, help. Please listen to my heart. Hear my desperation and brokenness and now FEAR, real fear. I need help, In a very real way.

So I ask you, my dear friends. Please pray for me. I am scared. I am tired all the time and overwhelmed by so many things that need to change. Pray that I will find my groove and that God will show me the path to take. He has never let me down before, I know that He can handle this too, it just seems so daunting. And pray for Gary as he tries to support me on this journey.

2 comments:

  1. Praying for you Pam. You can do this! You can regain your health!

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  2. Pam - STOP and listen to the sweet voice of God in the silent wind. Yes that is Him telling/showing you the way, when maybe YOUR ideas were somewhat different. This new journey is NOT impossible. You just need to be on top of it EVERY moment. Your habits and lifestyle have to change. You are strong enough to resist temptation. Take one day at a time.

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